Privacy in the new age, Who is Mark England, Soft Talk, Architect Stories — Architect reality, and more.
Guest: Mark England
Mark England has professionally coached thousands of clients worldwide using the power of words and stories for over a decade. He holds an BA in business and a Master’s in Education. Mark is the co-founder of Procabulary and is a lifelong personal development enthusiast.
“My mission is to help people create more powerful, more fulfilled lives using the power of better words and stories. Procabulary is the language of getting things done.” — Mark England | Founder, Procabulary
Special Offer: Get $100 OFF Procabulary Core Language Upgrade course
Privacy in the new age
Older generations value privacy way more than young people today. That’s because life standards have changed. Nowadays, it’s easier to become an objective observer of your own life. We have a much shorter feedback loop, which keeps us in check more often. Today, young people even drink less than ever compared to older generations. They don’t want embarrassing pictures tainting their reputation on social media.
For example: If you get drunk with friends tonight and act like an ass, you might be able to see a video your friend took of your bad behavior tomorrow morning when you sober up. Back then, if you got drunk with friends and acted like as ass, most likely no one would call you out on your bad behavior. It would create a confrontation that is backed up by people’s memory and opinion, rather than hard data.
“Standards for normal are changing rapidly.” — Mike Bledsoe
Who is Mark England
Mark England is a language enthusiast. He is not a linguist, but he has been professionally researching, presenting and coaching on language and how it influences people for the past 10 years. The way Mark uses, understands, appreciates and shares his language, including his internal and external dialogues (his thoughts and what he says and writes), has changed dramatically over the years. Mark can barely recognize his younger self, who was thinking, saying and doing things much differently.
Mark believes in his path to develop an understanding and usage of words as one of the greatest investments of his personal and professional development. At Procabulary, he demystifies the conversation about language, making it digestible, practical, and easy-to-understand. Mark developed his knowledge about language through a very comprehensive five year research, where he interviewed 1,000s of people, listening with full intent and attention to how they were describing chaos in their life. Out of his refined and distilled notes, came Procabulary.
Soft Talk is a piece from Mark’s Procabulary course: Core Language Upgrade. Soft Talk includes using use the words: could, maybe, I think, I guess, sort of, perhaps… These words soften our position, and are usually used when we’re not sure about something or ourselves, which leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy of indecision.
For example: Mike noticed he tends to Soft Talk sometimes. He gets more susceptible to Soft Talk when he talks to people he is a little intimidated by, like Daniel Schmachtenberger for example (Episode 15). Mike feels like he is questioning himself, doesn’t feel as firm in what he’s saying, and that can be felt in conversation, making people believe he doesn’t know what he’s saying as well.
“Words create our thoughts and our thoughts create our universe.” — Mike Bledsoe
How Procabulary helps people transform through language
The main goal of Procabulary is to help people start the conversation about their language with themselves. If people walk out contemplating and considering their language, then the course was successful.
Why is it important to think about your language?
Start by asking yourself: “How influential are my thoughts in my life?”
Think about it, one of the things we have control of in life is what we believe in, and language (both internal and external) dictates our ability to do things.
Procabulary helps people unpack stories that bother them, look at them differently, and eventually look at themselves differently. The help people make a positive change by going through a psychological, emotional and physical transformation of how the story is retold.
FRIEND OF THE SHOW
Architect stories — Architect reality
People tend to use conflict language because that’s how we were brought up. That’s how older generations thought and spoke, which is what we got used to. You might be familiar with the saying: “That’s just the way people do things around here.” But if people don’t think and discuss how older ways influence our present and future, we can’t grow to become better. When a person makes the transition from a victim complex to an architect complex, they go from from living a high drama life to low/no drama life.
“Architect stories, architect reality.” — Mark England
The Giving Keys
The Giving Keys is a pay if forward company with a mission to end homelessness in Los Angeles. They sell vintage keys with engraved words on them such as: love, power, courage, focus, inspire… Which are meant to be gifted to someone else. Mark is a fan of The Giving Keys as their product helps people shape their identity. When someone thinks of their identity as a process rather than a fact, it’s easier to have more compassion for oneself.
“I think about myself as a process not outcome.” — Mark England
Benefits of having compassion for oneself
When you have more compassion for yourself, everything is better. You laugh more often, you are easier to be around, you’ll enjoy other people’s company better, you’ll sleep better, and generally feel more fluid.
Ashley’s coaching session with Mark
Both Mike and Ashley did the Core Language Upgrade course, and saw big changes in how they talk to themselves and one another. In this episode, Ashley goes through a live coaching session with Mark. Tune in to minute 37:00 to hear the live session or check out the summary notes below:
Ashley’s biggest takeout from the course was to focus on her Soft Talk. She noticed she was doing a lot of internal Soft Talk, using words such as “should”, “need”, and “probably” most often. Mark coached Ashley into reframing her story by asking piercing questions, which he did gradually.
Ashley started the session with a thought: “I could probably do this better.”
Mark helped Ashley define “this”, which turned into “my morning routine”.
Mark made Ashley repeat the revised sentence: “I could probably do my morning routine better.” And then asked her to describe how it makes her feel, which she describes as sucking at her morning routine, which makes her feel sad and disappointed with herself.
Then, by taking out one word — “probably” — Mark helped Ashley change her language into: “I could do my morning routine better.” — Which was hard for her to physically and emotionally say, but immediately helped her imagine herself doing her morning routine better.
Then Mark helped Ashley replace another word, “could” into “can”, resulting in “I can do my morning routine better.”
Steps V, VI, VII…
And just like that, with an adjustment of one word at a time, Mark helped Ashley make a cognitive shift. She started seeing herself doing her morning routine better, and envisioned herself meditating and moving.
At Procabulary, they like to make one word adjustments at a time to give people the opportunity to observe the change in themselves. That helps people to more easily relate to the process than outcome.
Eventually, Mark helped Ashley take her story and succinct it down to specific bullet points that make it easy to take action, which he likes to call a “magic spell”, and recommends people carry in their wallet for one year. He came up with this term inspired by the definition of “Abracadabra”, which closely translates to “with my words I create.” And the dictionary definitions of “Magic” and “Spell”:
- Magic: The ability to apparently alter the course of reality by using super natural forces.
- Spell: A word or combination of words of great influence.
Ashley’s Magic Spell
- I love my morning routine.
- I meditate.
- I move.
- I am more of my flow.