Larry Fredrick is an award winning international educator. He’s also a sex coach; licensed and certified in Erotic Blueprint, Sexological bodywork, Neurolinguistic Programming, Hypnotherapy, and Somatic Sex Education. From having issues with erectile dysfunction, performance and social skills, to becoming a multi-orgasmic man with the skills and techniques of a confident lover, Larry helps men step into their full erotic power so they can have more confidence in the bedroom and in their relationships.
In this episode, we talk about his typical clients, the Erotic Blueprint and extensively discuss each profile to learn how to feed and be fed according to one's erotic wiring, sexual games that you can do with your partner, and so much more.
Table Of Contents
- Erotic Blueprint : An introduction
- Larry's Typical Client Profile
- How Larry's Journey Began
- What Women Want In The Bedroom
- The Erotic Blueprint
- How To Do Orgasmic Meditation
- Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms
- Energetic in Erotic Blueprint
- Sexual, and Kinky profiles in Erotic Blueprint
- The Bossy Massage and How To Do It
- Why is It Hard To Hit The G-Spot
- Closing Thoughts: What is a Good Sex
Connect with Larry Frederick
Erotic Blueprint : An introduction
Mike: All right. I'm sitting here with sex coaches. We have sex coaches in the room. You may be asking, "How do you meet sex coaches?" Well, I don't know. I stumble across all sorts of amazing people. So, here we are. Those of you that are listening. You've likely had fitness coaches or nutrition coaches or business coaches, and I've always said, if you want to get good at something, hire a coach.
Mike: I imagine that most people really want to be good at sex. I know I do. I enjoy it. I like having it. I like it when my partner is having a good time, too. So, I'm really curious because the thing is, is I think people, they learn about sex through porn, and maybe their parents did a really terrible job of explaining, "This goes in this, the birds and the bees," but the amount of education around sex, there's a lot there. There's a lot there that can be done, and there are not many people talking about it. So, I'm really excited to have you all here today.
Larry's Typical Client Profile
Mike: So, where do you start with somebody? What's your typical client? Someone comes to you and goes … Well, why does someone come to you? Do they have a problem in the bedroom? What's typical?
Larry: A typical problem for men is performance anxiety, worrying about lasting long enough, worrying about ejaculating too soon, worrying about not being there for women, not meeting the right women, that kind of thing. A lot of it is about feelings about not being good enough in the bedroom, not lasting long enough, that kind of thing.
Mike: Yeah. I get that. It's funny. I have so much confidence in so many areas of my life, and I said a year ago, I go, "You know what? I think there's an area in my life that I've turned over a lot of rocks, but sexuality, I've done a fair amount." I mean, I go to Burning Man every year, and I do workshops there. I've done who knows what? Should I say it all? Yeah. I mean, I've done tantric pujas, and I've had done bondage workshops and all that kind of stuff, and really got to know parts of myself that I was like, "Oh, I didn't even know it could be like this." I didn't think I was going to like that. I guess I do.
How the 'conversation' starts
Mike: What do you introduce people to when people come to you and they have these pain points, they have these problems? What is it that you start them with? Where's the conversation normally start?
Larry: Well, I mean, yeah, the conversation starts with what they think is their problem. A lot of times, what they think is going on is not really what's really going on. There's a sense for men. They're shy about it. There's a lot of ego. So, even to say, "Look, I have a problem," or "I'm not feeling good about this part of my life," it takes a lot for a man to come up and look for a coach like that.
Mike: Oh, yeah. Okay. I was like, "Why was I mentioning that I did that stuff?" Even though I've done some of this stuff to uncover, I still get self-conscious in the bedroom. If I'm with somebody, I think, "OM! I haven't had sex in a while. I'm not going to last very long." Now, I could potentially beating myself up over that.
Larry: Yeah. I think that a lot of men come when it's at a real pain point. For me, I started this when I was in a sexless marriage, but I hope that it doesn't come to that point. If I had done all this stuff before, I wouldn't have reached that point in my life. A lot of men … Yeah, there's a real pain point like they're not meeting any women or they're in a marriage that's falling apart or they're just at a point of pain, and I don't think that they should be at that point when you come and seek guidance. I think you should do it before to prevent it.
The sex isn't what it used to be
Mike: Yeah. So, for men who are in a partnership and they may be getting, maybe the sex isn't what it used to be or it's not what they want to be, what do you tell those guys?
Larry: Well, I tell them that wherever they're at, there's always more to explore. Don't think that … Men will say, "Yeah, it's all right.I'm good. " because men are not really … I mean, I can't speak for 100%, but my experience and I've worked with enough, is that it's really difficult to really be in touch with our feelings and our body and our emotions. So, we might be feeling more sadness than we let on, that we are even aware of.
Mike: Yeah. I would say my ability to feel sad now is much greater than it was just a few years ago. That actually is giving me more access to more pleasure as well. So, it's a capacity thing.
Larry: Exactly. I've discovered that, too. In the last year, she could attest to that, is sometimes I'll just look at her and I'll burst out into tears. I would not have been able to do that. That would have been not manly, but once I started opening up my emotions, my sexuality and my body, emotions will come out of nowhere. I'll get excited, I'll get sad in a way that I was not even able to access before. So, it's not just about sexuality, it's about your emotions, it's about your body, it's about really feeling all the muscles, everything that's in our body. That's why I call my work embodiment work. It's sexuality work, but it's really being in your body because you can't be a good lover if you're not in your body.
How to be in tune with your body
Mike: Yeah. I imagine a lot of people go, "I go to the gym, I work out, I'm physical," so I'm talking about this is how I used to be, it's like, "I'm physical, so I must have a good handle of my body." The way I was looking at it, "I'm a master of my body." The truth of it was, was I was dominating it, and it's a one-way street. I only knew how to talk to it. I didn't know how to listen to it. What was your journey like to become someone who is actually in touch with their body and what it was telling you?
Larry: Oh, it took me years, 10 years to get to this point. 10 years ago was when I was in a sexless marriage, and I woke up and said, "No. This is not how I want my life to be," and then I tried to figure out what's my responsibility, what's her responsibility, what's the responsibility inside of a relationship. Is there stuff that I can learn? What can I learn? Is it possible to be confident? What does that mean, be confident? Can you learn to be confident? Can you learn to be more present? Are these things that you could learn?" There are ways to learn it.
Mike: Yeah. I think there's ways to learn just about everything. There's things I used to think were fixed. I go, "Oh, that's a skill. It's all a skill." Everything can be learned or unlearned.
How Larry's Journey Began
Larry: Yes. Actually, my journey began with … I started to learn what's called NLP. Do you know what that is-
Mike: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Larry: … and hypnosis?
Mike: You want to tell the audience what NLP is?
Larry: Yeah. It's Neuro-linguistic Programming. It's based on the study of excellence. So, if you look at how a great basketball player throws the ball, how is he breathing, how is he standing, what is he thinking in his mind. So, it took years and years and years for this athlete to get at that level, and we could shortcut it by breathing the way he does, by thinking the thoughts that he's thinking. He's not thinking, "I'm not going to make it." He's thinking, "I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it." His thoughts are that because he knows that he's done it so many times. He knows he's going to make it.
Larry: Now, when you're a beginner, though, your thoughts are different. It's like, "Am I going to do this? Am I going to succeed?" We have the negative thoughts. So, Neuro-linguistic Programming is programming our thoughts for positive, for positive change, and not only our thoughts, but our breathing patterns, how we're standing. So, I mean, there's a lot to it, but that's just one of the things about Neuro …
Larry: So, again, confidence. What does it mean to be confident? What does a confident person think in their mind? How do they stand? How do they breathe? What do they look like? It's not even about being good-looking or bad-looking. We've seen lots of confident people that it's not about their physical thing. That's true.
How to be confident
Mike: So, how do you learn? It's like, how do you learn confidence?
Larry: You can't. You can't just be confident. That would piss me off if someone says, "Well, just be more confident."
Mike: I've heard people say that, "Be confident," or "Act confident." When I think about somebody acting confident, I think about someone with their chest puffed out and walking around and all rigid and stiff. That's not confidence. I think that confidence … So, there's two types of confidence. You have the pretend confidence, and then you have real confidence. Real confidence is found by becoming comfortable. You can't be really confident and uncomfortable at the same time. If you walk in a room and the room makes you uncomfortable, if you're displaying confidence, I think that it's probably more of a pretend.
Larry: Also, there's what's called congruency, and people can pick up. If you're really confident or you're faking it, other people can pick it up. I'm not going to say especially, but that's part of what I teach. Women are so good at picking up our bullshit. Would you agree?
Marina: Oh, yes. You can say that again. Yes.
Larry: We could pretend and they're like, "Nuh-uh." I've learned so much from her in terms of … She'll say, "That guy is confident," and I'll say, "That guy?" and then I'll start watching him, and I'll say, "Okay."
Mike: Because you don't even recognize him as a confident guy, but she does, she does.
Marina: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Mike: Oh, wow! Okay.
Feel your balls
Marina: Yeah. It is quite fascinating to see actually the way a person walks in, like you're just saying, to a room, and you can see a lot. We usually do not share this because, I don't know, we keep it to ourselves so that we know how to start sorting people out.
Mike: As women?
Marina: As women, yes.
Larry: Also presence. I don't say, "Who's the most good-looking guy in the room?" but I'll ask her, "Who's the most present guy in the room, and who's the most confident guy in the room?" Then I'll look at that guy and I'll say, "Okay." Then how do we model that? That what I'm trying to, not try, but that's what I teach men, and it's about breathing, it's about positive thoughts, it's about posture. I go in and out of it. She calls me and check all the time.
Mike: Go in and out of what?
Larry: Well, like my posture. If you're going to go into a room and you're going to be talking in front of people, then breathe.
Mike: Breathe. Yeah.
Larry: Get grounded. Feel your balls.
Mike: Yeah. Most people aren't thinking that. They're usually going … There's a million thoughts going per second. Think about what they did today or what they're going to do tomorrow or, "Oh, my God! Who's going to be in the room?" or "How do I look? Do I get shit on my shirt?" It's like a hum in the head. Then you walk in and then it feels chaotic. If you stand outside the room before you walk in, take a deep breath, feel your balls, you walk in, that's a different experience being in that room.
What Women Want In The Bedroom
Larry: Totally. I would say the single biggest problem men have is they're in their head. They're in their head. They're thinking way too much. If they're having performance anxiety, it's because they're worried about their performance, instead of … They're also creating stories about what women want out of a man. A woman doesn't necessarily want a guy that can last 40 minutes and like a porn star. That's not what they want.
Larry: What would you say a woman wants of a man in the bedroom?
Marina: The presence, being able to figure out and read your body and say, "Okay. I need to take it really slow right now," and just be in that moment where you can feel what she's feeling and connect. Forget about ejaculation and all these other stuff. It's just that connection and different moments when you are engaged in intimacy.
Larry: She can pick up for a second like if we're together and it might have been a half hour and all of sudden I'm thinking about, "Oh, shit! I got to take care of my car." She'll feel it. She'd call me on it.
Mike: If something outside of the bedroom enters my mind in the bedroom, I got to ring that shit in because I don't fuck the whole thing up.
Larry: Yup, and she picks up on it. She's really good at it and it's like, "Oh, shit! I didn't even know. I didn't even realize I wasn't present in the moment." So, it's not like you're present all the time, but you can't be thinking about it. See, that's the trick. If you're thinking about, "Am I present or not present?" then you're not present if you're thinking about it.
There's no script for being in the moment
Mike: For me, it always comes back to breath. I'm like, "Oh, shit! Why am I thinking about my car while I'm with this beautiful woman? Oh, take a breath. All right. I'm back."
Larry: Which is why as a sexuality coach, it's not about the technique, the perfect place to put your finger. I teach that stuff, though. At the very end-
Mike: I learned that it varies.
Larry: Yeah. So, even though there are techniques, and I've studied sexological bodywork, so I know all about anatomy, it's really not as important as being connected in the moment and knowing what to do in the moment. There's no script for that.
Mike: Oh, shit! People are going, "Fuck!" right now because they want a technique. People are like, "Tell me step one. Tell me step two, step three." There's some mechanical people wanting those steps.
Larry: Of course, and there are steps, and it's helpful to have those steps just like … One thing I'm learning right now is how to do Salsa dancing. It's nice at first. People, they said, just feel the music, and I couldn't feel it. I'm not just doing the same thing over and over again, but I couldn't get into those techniques until I got some basic things in my body. It had to be in my body before all the fancy spins and turning around and all that other stuff.
Larry: It's the same as sex. You could learn where the G-spot is and all of that, which you should learn. Every man should know that, and how long it takes for a woman to get … For full engorgement, 45 minutes.
Connection is important
Larry: 45 minutes for her to be fully engorged, but the 45 minutes could also include the 20 minutes of rubbing her shoulders.
Marina: … or doing the dishes. So, I don't have to be worrying about, "Oh, shit! How is the kitchen?" It's the same thing. So, it goes both ways.
Larry: Yeah. We both get turned on doing dishes now. She gets wet, and I-
Marina: Because we know where we're going.
Larry: When we do the dishes I have a special move. The music is in the background, "Kaching …" I get turned on when I see a dirty dish.
Marina: That's what's so wonderful about being able to identify those emotions, and the energy that you start attaching to everything that you do. I get orgasms just by sometimes feeling the air or the food or anything because I have learned how to really stay in my body and process all the sensories that are coming in, and it's amazing. I'm like, "Oh! Okay." Then sex doesn't become that important because then I have access through just everyday simply stuff.
Larry: Sex is pretty important.
Marina: Yes, it is, but what I'm saying is once you make that connection, then when you do have it, it's just amazing because your body is already, throughout the day, has been so many multiple orgasms. Just the very tiny, "Okay. The air just feels really good just going on through my skin. You're just yearning for that human being to be close as opposed to just being so robotic on your routines.
Mike: So, being present allows that to happen.
Marina: Yes. Big time.
The Erotic Blueprint
Larry: I'm going to actually transition in this because one thing that was really important for me was learning what's called the erotic blueprints. Her blueprint is sensual. My blueprint is energetic, and there's five blueprints. The particulars of her as a sensual is anything that's out of place, dirty dishes, socks and all of that. For her, I mean, you can say this, too, she's in her head. So, she can't drop into her body. It's called the shadow of the sensual. If the room is nice and things smell nice, if the colors are right, even in a hotel room we're in, there's a little blinking red light under the TV, she can't go to sleep with that. It's out of place.
Larry: Not every woman is a sensual, and not every man is a sensual, but she's super on the blueprint scale of sensual. So, the texture of fabric on her skin, all of this is really important. The downside is anything that's not taken care of, even if it's out of sign, a dirty car, it's on her mind.
Larry: So, me understanding that about her has really made it instead of me getting … If I didn't understand her as a sensual, I might get annoyed, "Well, fuck the dishes! It's been a long day. We'll do it tomorrow," not understanding how important it is for her to drop into her body, to have that not that mind-chatter about things out of place.
Larry: So, instead of getting angry or annoyed or frustrated because, "Let's just do that tomorrow," I say, "Oh, okay. That's the way she is. She's super sensual. Let me handle that, and make that part of our connection."
Other types of sexual blueprint
Mike: What are the other?
Larry: There's energetic. There's sexual, there's shape-shifter, and there's kinky.
Mike: Okay. I took one of these tests once.
Larry: Yeah. On my website, which we'll talk about later, you can take the test, and it will tell you what your blueprint is.
Mike: … is what I scored, and I go, "Oh, okay." Now, I didn't go any further than just taking the test like, "Okay. That's what I got." Saw a paragraph about the explanation, but that's as far as I read.
How Shape-shifters work
Larry: Right. Well, shape-shifters have a tendency to conform to what another person wants instead of their own needs because they need it all. So, they almost always feel like it's too much, and then they end up … There's a part of them that feels-
Mike: What do mean it's too much?
Larry: Like, "I'm too much. I need it all." I'm a shape-shifter.
Marina: You want the sensual, the energetic, and all of that.
Larry: I want it all, and then I'm not getting it, but okay.
Mike: My inner circle is listening to this now and going, "Oh, okay."
Larry: Then there's a story of yourself, "Oh, I'm too much," and that's the shadow part. Now, you're walking around thinking, "I'm too much. I'm never going to get what I want or need. I don't know how to ask for it. I'm being greedy and selfish," and then you start to conform to what you think the other person wants. Does that resonate with you?
Mike: Oh, yeah. Over the years, I've learned to ask for what I want. Sometimes it feels it's difficult.
Larry: Oh, totally. That's actually one of the modules in my program is communication. It's hard to ask for what you want. It's also hard to, for a lot of couples, to give feedback in the bedroom. If she were to say to me something while we're in the middle of having sex, I might get triggered as a man. I might feel, "Oh, wait. She's criticizing me," and then I'll start going into my whole spiral of stories, "I'm not good enough. I'm going to lose her. She's going to find another guy." Then all of a sudden, we're done, and all it took is-
How To Do Orgasmic Meditation
Larry: We learned it through orgasmic meditation, which is a practice of … Well, do you want to say what orgasmic meditation is?
Marina: No. You go ahead. You're doing a great job.
Mike: Yes. We got that full.
Larry: It's basically you stroke a clit for 15 minutes like a very particular small part of the 1:00 position, but by doing that, it forces the man, well, not forces. I don't know. Forces is not the right word. It compels? I don't know what the right word is. The man is very focused on just one part, and the woman is able to just feel whatever comes up in her body, and it's timed. So, it's 15 minutes. The woman makes adjustments. The man doesn't say anything.
Larry: So, it teaches the woman to say, "I want a little bit more pressure." She says, "More pressure," "Less pressure," "To the right," "To the left," "Faster," "Slower." So, just one word adjustments. She gets used to saying it. The man gets used to hearing it. It's neutral. She could say, "More pressure," in one second, and then the next second, she can say, "Less pressure," and I'm not going to say, "Well, she just said more pressure. Now she's saying less pressure. What does she want? These women, I never know what they want." It's like, "A second ago she wanted that, and now she wants this. Thank you." The man just says, "Thank you. Thank you for making and adjustment, for making me a better lover by listening to what you have to say."
Mike: That takes sudden ego aside.
Biggest breakthrough in an orgasmic meditation
Mike: So, I did an orgasmic meditation workshop up in LA. Man, maybe it's four years ago. I've got a lot of breakthrough moments I get to point out, but that one was huge for me. I didn't expect it either.
Larry: What was the biggest breakthrough for you? Actually, seriously, you're interviewing me, but just what was the biggest breakthrough?
Mike: It's a conversation. I like to share this because I don't think I've ever shared this on the show. I think people would benefit from it, which is I went in thinking I was going to learn how to do it better. I was like, "I'm good at this shit. I can get women off." I had this story, which isn't completely inaccurate, but I go in and I got this whole mentality, and there's two things that happened is one of the big results I got out of it, which I realized days afterwards was that I was so focused on how it starts and how it ends that I was missing the entire middle.
Mike: Actually, I realized it that night is what it was, is … So, we go to LA, me and my partner. We do the orgasmic meditation workshop. We do the practice. That was one of … I thought that was going to be easy for me. Doing the practice was so difficult. I got feedback from one of the instructors while I'm stroking. It felt like I was a giant gorilla and I was going to bash his face. I was like, "This motherfucker is telling me how to do this. I'm good at this." I can feel the energy of it now. I was ready to, yeah, just beat the shit out of him.
The a-ha moment
Mike: Then I go, "Holy shit! That's crazy. He just came in to give me a coaching tip, and I got fueled by that." That was interesting. I got really pissed. Then I calmed down, and we finished. I was in a hurry to get out afterwards. So, usually, in a room like that, I want to hang out, mix it up, talk, and other people were doing that, and I couldn't wait to get out of the room because I felt like I was going to cry. I go, "I'm going to cry. What is happening? These feelings, what is happening?" We're driving home and … because they were talking about feeling the woman and feeling a lot during the workshop, and I didn't feel like I was doing it right. I wasn't feeling.
Mike: Then on the way home, I start talking about that and I burst into tears, and I'm just fucking sobbing driving down the 405. I'm sobbing and I go, "What? I'm so confused," and then she says, "Well, you're doing it right now. You're feeling. This is perfect." I go, "Oh."
Mike: Then I cried again because I realized that the big aha for me was that I was so focused on finishing her and then finishing me that I was missing 99% of the sexual experience. I go, "Wow! I've been fucking for a long time, and I haven't been enjoying most of it." It's sad. It was really sad. So, since then, I've made a lot of progress.
Why communication is important to women
Larry: That's exactly what the point is. It's like you were triggered by the word that they use in the community is adjustment. Basically, you were triggered because you, all of a sudden, "I'm not doing this right." All of our childhood shit comes up.
Mike: It was the first time anyone ever gave me … There was somebody on the outside looking in saying, "You could do it better this way," is the way it felt. I was like, "Oh, fuck you, man."
Larry: So, yeah, communication, better with communication. I mean, do you want to say anything about that like how important that is for you as a woman?
Marina: Well, I think, and I'm speaking for my experience, at the very beginning, I did not even know what I wanted. I was that low in the spectrum of being able to communicate specifically what do I want. I have no idea. When I was introduced to the practice, and I did share with some of the facilitators or coaches, I'm like, "You know what? I don't know. I'm numb. I don't feel anything. So, I'm just scared to death, but here I am. So, engage and continue."
Marina: It's interesting when they tell you, "Just relax. Nothing is to happen. If you feel something, that's good. If you don't, that is also good because then you know that you're numb. You know that eventually. Just stick with it. You might have some emotions that might come up. You might have all these other feelings. Just acknowledge that, and that's it. There's no agenda. There is nothing."
The AB Game and how it works
Marina: It's very difficult even for us women to communicate. I will say mostly, most of the time, we don't know yet what we want or how we want it because we have nothing to compare it to. If all my life I've been numb, so any feeling, I still doesn't feel. You might be doing a great job, but I can't identify with it yet. So, being able to say, "I don't know. My kiss is good as yours. Go ahead and try something new and I'll let you know. Oh, yes, yes, right there," and that's not until we get to that same point as well.
Larry: Well, I think a good thing that is called the AB Game. You like that.
Marina: Oh, yeah. I love that.
Larry: So, the AB Game would be something I'm going to … I mean, you guys can't see it, but I'll say, I'm going to touch you this way. This is A, and I'm going to touch you this way, and this is B. Which one do you like best?
Mike: So, he's just running his finger down her arm in different ways.
Larry: Okay. So, now, I know how much pressure. I'm not asking. I'm giving her a choice of different ways, and she can say A or B, and then I can try, "Okay. Now I know she likes this. Let me try a different variety, a little bit more pressure."
Mike: I didn't have this before. This is a new exercise for me. I'm so excited.
One To Five game
Larry: It's called the AB. Another game is … Again, this is part of the program, and I work with the man, and then if there's couples involved, we work together. It's called One to Five. So, if I touch you like this, on a scale of one to five, what are you feeling right now in terms of pleasure? Five is orgasmic and one is, "This bothers me. Can you please stop?"
Larry: Number from one to five.
Marina: A two.
Larry: A two. So, what could I do to make it a three?
Marina: Go slower.
Larry: Okay. So, now, we're communicating, and I'm not being triggered. That whole emotional thing that happened to you, it's not going to happen. I'm speaking as a man, but in terms of understanding women, they don't want to be caretake our emotions. If they know that if they're going to say something and I'm going to be triggered, now she doesn't feel safe anymore. Now, she has-
Mike: Right. Now, she's not going to say anything. Now, the whole thing disintegrates.
Larry: Now, she has to take care of a little baby, and that's now what she wants.
Mike: There are dudes out there thinking at the beginning, "Shit! I don't fucking need this," and then right now it's like, "If you can't take this, you're being a baby to her."
Mike: Man up.
Larry: Yeah. Well, some of these guys, yeah, they're so manly, but they're a little … You say one thing, a woman says one thing, and they're not going to show it, but they're exactly the reaction you described driving on the 405. At least you're honest about it.
Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms
Larry: Yeah, not only new levels of sex. What is good sex? What is orgasm? When we think of orgasm, we think of climax. I'll have experiences where we're done, and I'm ready to go to sleep and I'm just lying there and all of a sudden, I'm having orgasms that I have to physically say, "Okay. I need to go to bed. I'm going to stop." You've seen these, where I'm just lying there and I'm having orgasm after orgasm and the sex is done. We're ready to go to sleep. That's when it's like I'm so relaxed. My body is so relaxed.
Mike: So, men can have multiple orgasms.
Larry: Oh, that's one of the things that I teach. Yes. It has to do with relaxation. Relax where there's tension. In order to do that, you need to know where there's tension. If you're numb-
Marina: You can't.
Larry: Men and women, but men, especially. I mean, I'm working with 25 men right now. They are so fucking numb.
Mike: What do you think causes that?
Larry: Well, I think, first of all, I mean, we're hunched over on the freeway in this posture. We're hunched over a computer. We got a million things to do. We got to man up, all of these years of holding it all in, "I'm good. I'm good. Everything's all right?"
Mike: Yeah. I mean, this is prominent with my people. You guys, I mean, we're talking about people who are athletes, former military, executives. These are the type of people listening to the show. You're talking to them.
Larry: They don't even know how tense they are because I'll do an exercise where I say, "Okay. Now, breathe. What do you feel?"
Most men are numb
Larry: They'll say, "Oh, I feel really relaxed."
Larry: "Bullshit. Bullshit. You're saying that because that's what you think I want to hear."
Larry: If you really could feel your body, you would feel all tension in your spine, the tension in your neck. That's what being present is. People think being present is being the Buddha, "I'm floating on clouds, and I'm super relaxed." That's what they think I want to hear. Truth is, you have to be aware of all the little … Right now, as I'm thinking about it, I could feel my lower back and my neck.
Mike: The nuances.
Larry: Then it could also feel, "Look. We're doing this interview. I'm sitting next to her. There's a part in my belly that's fluttery, that's like, "Wow! This is really exciting." I could look at her, and all of a sudden, there's a new sensation. I can feel my chest, but I'm still feeling the tension in my back.
Energetic in Erotic Blueprint
Mike: Yeah. Let's go back to the erotic blueprint. So, we talked about we have sensual, we have shape-shifter, sexual.
Larry: There's sexual, energetic, sensual, kinky, and shape-shifter. Did I get all five? I don't know.
Mike: Yeah, something like that. What's energetic.
Larry: Energetic, I found out I was an energetic. This was a big breakthrough for me. This is why I was attracted to the blueprints because I love tantra work and eye-gazing. I could look at her. I could right now have an orgasm right now just looking in her eyes. So, eye-gazing kind of stuff, just picking up an energy, but I came from a very skeptical … I'm a very skeptical guy. So, any kind of woowoo stuff, I need to see scientific America.
Mike: That's my background, too, and then I got fucked up a few times by things that didn't make sense.
Larry: Exactly. Exactly.
Marina: The explanation other than feeling it.
Larry: Yeah. Chakras, you show me the science or … So, there was a big part of me that repressed that, didn't open up. Then when I started doing tantra work and I started having these experiences, but then I was with a partner that was not having these experiences, and then I'm realizing not everyone has these experiences. Some people are drawn to it and some people aren't. Then I started thinking, "Well, is there something weird about me?" Because I would be more reactive doing an eye-gazing exercise than other people in the room. So, then I started to question myself. I started even doubting myself, "Am I just creating these experiences or am I actually having them?"
Energetics are very sensitive to energy
Larry: So, I think energetics are very sensitive to energy, which also means that there's a tendency to be introverted. It's like, "Too much energy. I need to get the fuck away from people." I can talk for a little bit, but then I need time to recharge because I can feel people, and I could feel her, which is a super power, but then I could also get overwhelmed and then shut down, and I can get judgey like, "Okay. You guys are not … I know shit and you guys don't." So, tendency, I'm eating the right way and you're not, and that kind of thing.
Mike: Yeah. So, if I were dating an energetic, what would I need to watch out for?
Larry: You would need to watch out on when you're intruding on her space, and not take it personally. I mean, with her, I love to be with her, but that might not always be the case. There's other people … So, I think that if you're with an energetic, they could overload really quickly, and especially if they just had a long day. Well, she's energetic, too, so she even told me. She was telling me, "You were talking way too fucking much yesterday."
Larry: I was like, "I was?"
Larry: Because she was dealing with stuff from work because she's got energetic, too. So, understand it's not personal. They need to clear out their buffer like in the computer. There's a point where the little circle is going around. The computer is saying, "Stay away from me." So, just imagine that little circle is going … and then give them their space is one thing.
Pros and Cons of Energetic people
Mike: What are the pros of energetic?
Larry: Well, I think really being able to tune in. I could touch her here, and especially, orgasmic meditation really help, tuning in to another person, feeling energy, having multiple energetic orgasms that don't have to involve genital contact.
Marina: Less is more for an energetic.
Larry: Less is more.
Larry: What would you say? Being with an energetic, how would you say is my shadow and my super power?
Marina: Well, the super power is about being able to just get that sense energetically, feeling power, environments, and really acknowledging something that's not feel good right now like I don't know if something is about to happen. That person has a bad intention. It's just an energetic is a lot easier to pick up subtleties that other people might not. So, that would be a super power that they possess.
Larry: What's the shadow?
Marina: They can get easily overwhelmed. You would think, even though I think this is a proper spacing, for them, I'd be like, "No way. You're way too close. Right now, you need to be a mile away, and I still can feel you, but if you get too close, it shuts them down.
Mike: Got it.
Marina: That could be taken very personal like, "What's wrong with me? What's going on?" if you do not have that language to communicate with that movement.
Mike: Yeah. I dated an energetic at one point. I didn't really classify her as that. I'm realizing that in the conversation. I go, "Oh, yeah. She really like this space, which I was confused by, and then also, she could orgasm without if the conditions were right before we even touched.
Sexual, and Kinky profiles in Erotic Blueprint
Larry: Okay. So, sexual is basically most men or no, but I think most people think they're sexual. So, sexual is nudity and porn kind of sex, penetration, ejaculation, what we call orgasm, which I don't think is orgasm, but climax, "Did you cum? Did you get off?" all of that. It's very focused. The shadow of that is that they really don't recognize the importance of some of the other things in terms of the full spectrum of sexuality.
Larry: So, a lot of conflict in relationships that I found from my coaching and all the other people in the coaching community is a sexual man and an energetic woman or a sexual man and a sensual woman because a sensual needs all that other stuff taken care of, and the sexual is like, "No. I have a need right now. Let me get this need out." So, it's this stereotypical masculine approach to sexuality, and kind of the mainstream, kind of like what is the norm because even if you're one or the other blueprints, we're taught to be that way.
Mike: Yeah. How about kinky?
Larry: Well, kinky, we think of tying up and all of that, but kinky could be anything that's taboo, so anything that there's a taboo charged to it, which could be so many things.
Having a little bit of everything and stacking
Larry: Yeah, I know. I think that we all have all of them in, but that doesn't mean we're all shape-shifters. I think that there's preferences, and then there's what's called stacking, which means … We all have a little of it, but sometimes it's-
Larry: Stacking means … I know that I'm very energetic, and that's what most … I know that she's sensual, but she can get to the kinky after you do the other things first. So, the sexual, after the sensual stuff is taken care of, then you can go to the sexual, then you can go to the energetic, then you can go to the kinky.
Marina: So, this is extremely important to know because once again, once you know the blueprint, and once you know this information, and you're trying to figure out, "Okay. I have my partner. I need to figure out that stack. What is it that I need to do first in order for my partner to drop in?" and then being able to move to other layers, and explore other realms that never in your life you will even consider exploring because those particular blueprints are being fed.
Marina: You're energetic and you're sensual and you're sexual, then I could be a lot more available to explore kinkiness without really feeling something is wrong or I'm going to get in trouble or I'm afraid, this should be this, none of that stuff because you're walking that person through their stacking, and being able to fulfill those, so that they feel very confident that they can extend their level of experience and their normalcy a little bit further out.
Am I Going To Be Happy?
Mike: Okay. So, since I'm a shape-shifter, I have this question, which is, am I going to be happy? Is it possible for me to be happy with somebody who is not a shape-shifter, that's a single thing or how do all those needs get met?
Larry: I think in a relationship, it's important to communicate, "These are my needs. These are your needs. Let's be clear about it, and I'm going to do the best I can to fulfill your needs and you don't owe me anything, but hopefully, there'll be reciprocation." Now, you know I'm a shape-shifter. So, I need-
Marina: You need all of it.
Larry: Not everyday all the time, but-
Marina: It needs to be fed.
Larry: Feed me, a big gigantic monster. Every once in a while, feed me. You would expect that in a relationship that, but you have to be clear, "Look, this is what I need. This is what I need. You don't owe me that. I can't make you do that, but I'm going to tell you clearly this is what I need."
Mike: Cool. I took the test, and I got the results, and I go, "All right." Now that I'm listening to you all right now, I'm going, "Oh! There's useful information to use in a relationship." All right. Got some stuff to do. All right.
Marina: It's already making the wheels.
Mike: Got my wheels turning. My weekend is getting planned out.
The Bossy Massage and How To Do It
Marina: You haven't talked about the … Another way, really, to communicate in the bedroom, and this is called the Bossy Massage-
Mike: Oh, yeah, Bossy Massage.
Marina: … so that you get all these other opportunities that are fun in the bedroom and being able to say, "Okay. I think I know you, but I really don't. So, let's engage in the either AB Game or the Bossy Massage." Then you're like, "Oh! Oh, I didn't know that that particular part of your body is more sensitive than your other parts," and you've been able to map out your partner's body. Next time you're just in a restaurant, you just go … and you're like, "What was that? Hold on. Let's just go home."
Larry: Well, let's do a demo of Bossy Massage.
Larry: So, we're going to do a little demo of Bossy. It's called Bossy Massage.
Mike: Bossy Massage.
Larry: So, she's going to tell me where she … I only have 10 seconds, and then the timer goes off. In that 10 seconds, she's going to tell me where she wants me to touch her and how she wants to be touched. Then when the 10 seconds is over, and then she could say, "Do it in the same place, but with a little bit more pressure," or "You know what? I'm feeling it." That requires also your practicing presence because if I'm the receiver, I have to be present in my body like right now, where do I want to be touched? Is it my neck, my shoulder, my stomach? Do I want to feel pleasure or do I … What is it that I want? So, let's do a quick demo. We'll do two. It's 20 seconds.
Start with the hair
Marina: It's interesting. My body just went through a whole like, "Ah! Okay." Let's see. Okay. Let's start with my hair.
Larry: Okay. How do you want me to touch your hair?
Marina: Start at the top and very, very slowly and gently and just move your fingers through my curly hair.
Larry: Okay. Now, this way or this way?
Marina: On the top.
Larry: Okay. So, starting from the top?
Marina: No. Slower.
Mike: She's wiggling.
Larry: Times up.
Marina: Okay. Can you do that again?
Larry: Same way?
Marina: Same way.
Mike: So, the first time he put his hand in her hair. It was a very little physical reaction from her, and then when she made the adjustment, he went back in, her whole body just started wiggling.
Marina: Okay. Now, do that on my neck.
Larry: Same? One finger?
Marina: The back. No. Three fingers.
Larry: Three fingers. Okay. So, I'm going to touch your neck.
Mike: Her whole spine is waving.
Larry: All right. I think that's enough.
Marina: No. Let's keep doing it. Don't stop.
Larry: Again, it's a practice being present as a receiver, and then it's my turn. So, I get to be the boss. So, that really makes me tuned in to what is it that I need, and then how do you communicate precision in a way that's not triggering. Then now, I know her body. So, now I know her body, and it changes. I also know her body changes. If I think I have the perfect way to touch her today, it may not be tomorrow.
Why is It Hard To Hit The G-Spot
Mike: Good to know. Good to know. All right. Got to bring this up, G-spot. So, I've read and experienced that women can have three different types of orgasms. You have clitoral, G-spot, and then you have cervical. Can you make a comment on this? Because I've known some women that hitting the G-spot is extremely difficult. Some women, it's extremely easy. What's happening there?
Larry: Can I talk about our experiences together?
Larry: Well, I mean, I think that, first of all, she was pretty numb in a lot of her body. Yes?
Larry: A lot of emotions are released the first time. The first time she had a G-spot orgasm with me, she was crying. I, still, the other night can touch her in a certain part inside where she will start laughing like hysterical laughing. Now, if I'm going to be triggered by that, it's like, no. I've released something in her body by touching part of her body that was numb because of a lot of emotional reasons.
Larry: So, the G-spot could be very, very sensitive in some women. It could be completely numb. It could result in crying. It could result in anger. It's got nothing to do with the man that's present. It has to do with emotions in the body. Cervical orgasm, even more, because a woman has so much emotion there. So, if a woman goes through that kind of orgasm, it could be a really powerful experience, and it shouldn't … My opinion, it's not like something that's light. There's a whole bunch of hormones that are released, a lot of bonding. There has to be a container of trust for the woman to even let her body go there.
Marina: I resume that delivery pose and I was pushing. I was a little scared. I mean, I've known enough that I know that I just have to allow my body to continue, and what I remember is I was like, "Okay. I know that I am safe. I can allow my body to do whatever, cry, scream, whatever," and so I went to delivery mode. I was screaming and I was crying. What happened afterwards, it was such a relief like I've been carrying a 100 pounds of something in that one point, and it just felt so light, so light.
Marina: I have no idea why I went there. Obviously, there was an emotion that was inside, and by being touched, it got released. So, my body went through that delivery and pushing and screaming and crying, and then I had now more space for pleasure. So, now, when I get touched in that particular spot, it's like, "Oh, my God! Don't stop. Don't move," and it's all pleasure as opposed to before not even feeling anything or allowing my body just to go through the motions of releasing. Knowing that, he is not going to say, "What's wrong with you? Why are you screaming? Why are you delivering a baby? There's nothing to deliver." So, it is quite an experience. That could be at any part, not necessarily the cervix, the G-spot or A-spot or anything else inside.
Larry: The A-spot, the P-spot. There's an A-spot, there's a P-spot.
Women having a hard time having orgasm
Larry: There's cervical legs. I think that the point is it's not about … You can look and see where the cervix is and where to touch it, but there's that whole emotional component. She had to feel safe with me, and we had to establish that relationship before she was able to have that experience, which is what the program is about. You could look and see where the cervix is.
Mike: You could go touch it, but you're not going to get the result, that result. So, what about women who have a hard time having orgasm?
Larry: Again, it's just like men who have a hard time feeling their body, but maybe you should speak on this one. I mean, it has to do with awakening your body and recognizing where there's numbness and mapping it out and working on it. How would you-
Marina: Yeah, and it's also going with being able to communicate. It's okay to say, "You know what? I am very stressed out. I had a really hard day. I'm not dropping into my body." If you have your partner go directly into your clit and start putting fingers inside and start fucking, you're like, "Okay. That's not happening. I'm not ready," but you're still not different than men, not that we have to perform, but then we don't have access to just reconnecting the body to the sensations that are being provided.
Different aspects to orgasm
Larry: Also, there's different aspects to orgasm, and that is there's biochemical, there's health, there's your diet, there's your … I think I already mentioned hormones, but there's also electrical things that are affecting our body. So, it's like in order to be fully orgasmic, our body is a machine. So, we have to be clean, our body clean, how we eat, our mind, all of these things are related. So, if there's issues with orgasm, there's a lot of things that could be going. There's psychological things, there's history, there's stories in our heads, there's … You really have to … Jaya, one of my teachers, Jaya, she calls it be an erotic detective.
Mike: I think I follow her on Instagram.
Larry: Yeah. So, be an erotic detective. Our jobs as coaches is to become an erotic detective. We're Sherlock Holmes. So, it's not like I could say the one thing that's preventing you from … I have to explore. What is it? It could be more than one thing. It could be 10 things, and it could be 10 stories from childhood.
How sexuality impacts other aspects of life
Mike: One last question is, I think, unless a really good one comes in, how's this impacted other aspects of your life? I think for a lot of things, I improved this area of my life and all of a sudden, I noticed that 10 other things got better. So, in sexuality, how does this work?
Larry: Well, I think that when you walk around and your sex life is good and you're happy, we get upgrades in airlines, and stuff like that. We got the best seating in restaurants.
Marina: It is amazing.
Larry: They give us free shit. It's almost like … How do you explain that? When you're rocking your sex life, people want to be around you.
Mike: That's true.
Marina: They want to touch you. They want to just sit next to you. You will get connections to people that you have not made contact in the longest year. All of a sudden, all of these people are like, "Hey, how are you? What's going on?" It's really interesting. It's really amazing how it seems that you're … It's called turned on. You get turned on. That's what happens.
Larry: Tell about your lost luggage. I've never heard of this, actually. She lost her luggage, and the airline gave her a carte blanche to go on a spending spree every single day.
Marina: For five days because they couldn't find my luggage. I'm like, "Go ahead and take as long as you need to."
Larry: She was just like go and buy stuff, and they paid for it all.
Marina: Everything. 100% reimbursement for five days of shopping spree.
Closing Thoughts: What is a Good Sex
Larry: Again, good sex is not just put your finger there near to the cervix and have a good sex. Good sex is, first of all, getting through your blocks, finding your triggers, learning how to communicate, having positive voices in your head. So, the program I have is it's modular. So, it goes through all of these different things before it gets to the fingering stuff, which is module six.
Marina: You got to wait.
Mike: You got to do the first five first.
Marina: Yeah. Then the interesting thing that also happens is that just like anything that you learn with a routine on exercise, routine on nutrition is that eventually, you understand the concept and then that concept is universal. You're like, "Well, the relationship with my coworkers is not different than the relationship I have with communicating at home, with my partner. So, let me find out what is it that they want. Let me find out what is it that …" Guess what? There is no more problem because you are then you see the same skills, except that you're not using the word sex, but it's about your everyday communication that improves tremendously.
Mike: Yeah. Awesome. Remind us the website.
Larry: Embody-Awakening.com. E-M body dash Awakening.com. Take the quiz and sign up for a strategy session.
Mike: Go check it out. Take that quiz, and then if you could post your results and tag me in it on Instagram, that would be great. That might be a little too much for you. You can send me a DM. All right. Thanks for joining me.